the-PAST

2008-01-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

The reason I closed down my blog:
http://just-15.blogspot.com

2007-12-30T14:33:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: December 22

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking.

However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone.

Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 4

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5

You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

HOW in the world can this be possible when i have true love 4 times and get my heart broken 5 times?
LOL, this is a bit accurate.

2007-12-29T13:18:00.000+08:00

Goodbye.
This blog lost it's charm :/

2007-12-17T12:36:00.000+08:00

THIS IS SPECIALLY FOR PATRINA !

2007-12-13T21:14:00.000+08:00

I am currently very emotionally unstable.

Today felt very accomplished at band, through the blood, tears, sweat and temper.
Everything was worth it.

You want me to tell you straight if i don't like anything right?
Here you go:

You are not me.
Don't come and place all your thoughts on me.

GO AND BE THE SAINT YOU ALWAYS PREACH TO BE.

I am not the good soul, and neither will I aim to be one just because of you.

I LIVE THE WAY I WANT.
Not the way you want.

At the very least, I have never thought of myself to waste all my life.
If that is what you think, I'm so sorry.

But what do I have to do?
Work myself to death, be a good soul JUST TO PROVE TO YOU?

Nah, I like it this way.

2007-12-05T22:44:00.001+08:00

To express my utmost sincerity to zhiying, I am here to dedicate yet another post to her.

THANK YOU! MY SAVIOR IN THE DARK OF THE NIGHT!
YOU GAVE ME THE INSPIRATION TO POST!

Hmm, is this enough?
You know, sometimes gratitude just can't be put into the form of words.

HAHA!

Anyway, Zhiying, i just want to say:
I hope that you, as my savior and inspiration, will become a good soul in the sea of bad souls on Earth!
STOP ROBBING PEOPLE OF THEIR 1ooo DOLLARS !

I will always be the first to forgive you.
Haha!

x)

2007-12-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

The inspiration of this post is: WU ZHI YING JIE JIE !!

I think i doing charity, cause she asked me to post and here i am, though 1-2 days later.
Haha!

Had been wanting to post and zhiying just gave me that push.

Hmm, things at band are below average.
Truth to be said, I am too going for the sake of going.
What to do, I am seriously not enjoying band practices.
Dislike to be exact, but, I'll endure and try my best.

I do feel guilty for not bonding with my section, etc.
Yet, I see no reason why I should.
I do feel guilty for making things difficult for certain people but if I do things the other way, won't I be making things difficult for myself?
I rather help myself than help you.

On the surface, I seem very mean.
Yet, the agonies and exasperation are feelings that are subjected to individuals.

Band is tiring on the whole.
Yet, I enjoyed them in secondary 2s.

What's the problem now?

Somehow I do feel that the way life works is quite similar to the totalitarian society of Fahrenheit 451.
We are discouraged to think, ain't we?

Ignorance is truly bliss.
Yet, it's also very pathetic how some people out there can be so ignorant.

OKay, stop harping on band.
It's really no big deal.
I shall just go for the sake of going, do my best and shut up.
It'll turn out fine.

* fingers crossed *

Anyway, this friendship/relationship is really fragile and I'm scared of breaking it.
Very scared of even touching it; I'll treasure it.
Despite all these worries, I believe there is love and need.
x)

Sometimes I thank god that I'm an optimist.
Everything will soon be fine, one way or another.

2007-11-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

The world is so fake at times, but it is a fact.

Humans do this to protect themselves.
Understandable.
Yet, why does it gets so irritating at times?

2007-11-11T17:36:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU IDIOT!
You created all this mess and you say I have no right?
THANKS.

You, IDIOT, caused someone to have suicidal notion and you tell me I have no right?

~!@#$%^&*()]

We, yesterday, helped you to sent him home and you say I have no right.
Yea, man.
Do you have the right to hurt someone?

You, idiot, due to your actions, cause so much mental turmoil for everyone.
You think you have the right to do so?

Rights, rights, and rights.
Want to talk about rights?

Did you apologized you idiot?
YOU DIDN'T.

Did you clean up all the shit you left behind?
YOU DIDN'T.

The 3o minutes of tears mourned for the lost of a friendship.
Leave it at that.

I HAVE NO RIGHTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU, i think.

Wait, do i have the rights to cry?

2007-11-11T01:22:00.000+08:00

You broke my heart.
For real.

2007-11-07T16:10:00.000+08:00

pie, hen, shu gou, ti, shu wan gou,pie, na[dian].

pie, pie, shu, hen shu, hen, hen, shu gou, dian, pie.

she, hen shu, hen, hen, shu, pie hen, pie hen, dian, shu gou, dian, na[dian].

2007-11-07T15:49:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to do, what to feel and what to say anymore.
Really.
I don't want to lose the passion for life,
but it appears that the passion just left me here.

Temporarily.

I know the passion will be back,
cause it will not leave me behind.

Wait for me, I'll be back.

Somehow, as I grow older i get more tired.
tired with life i mean, mentally.
Even friends just use the 'OKOK~~' attitude and brushes you off.
Who have time for everyone except themselves now?

2007-11-07T15:40:00.000+08:00

It's not that easy.
Don't ask me what.

2007-11-02T00:05:00.000+08:00

The
Freedom of Speech
is back;
accompanied by the
Heck Care Attitude.
Say 'Bye!' to the silent grumbles.

More details tomorrow; I promise.
^^

Anyway, to you, the small talks are done.
Furthermore, small talk about you? Nah.
I think is more of NO talk?

2007-10-17T20:27:00.000+08:00

I don't how to start this post leh.

Okay, here goes:
3t1 Avias is the 1st runner-up for cheering competition and Vivien and I are the best cheerleaders!
Yeapps, but these are not enough to make my day.

GREEDY.

DAMN. I don't feel like posting anymore.
Like how am I suppose to express how freaking shit I feel now.

You are my friend. I thought you understand how i feel. Apparently not.
You chose to put me through that and become angry.
Thanks.

And you. Hypocrite.
To think I thought you weren't angry.

And, why is band always interrupting my life.
Why had I not given everything up long long long time ago.
The road to suffer is one I chose for myself yet I no longer have the energy to walk down the road as I feel that I'm standing alone. Too alone.
I fear loneliness; it wouldn't go away.

nothing much left to be said as nothing will change.

2007-09-19T22:12:00.000+08:00

The dilemmas we meet in life.
It's difficult to be not affected by peer pressure hur.
Friendships get strained when opinions are different.
Grr, I hate the feeling when I'm caught in the middle.

Anyways, reflections of the day! :
When someone strays off, as a good friends one shouldn't leave and give up; but wait till she returns.
Everyone strays off sometimes.

The sweet yet strange sensation.
=]

2007-09-18T20:30:00.000+08:00

It's weird hur.
We get commented that nowadays teens think less and less.
Yet, since when are we given the chance to think.
We are complained as competitive muggers.
But would you all, educators, prefer us as slackers?

All the questions you set? Are all things that need to be memorized.
Even CME is in this situation.
It's all damn lame.
What is going to happen to our school life?
2 words: CONTINUOUS MUGGING; in the exception whereby you have an IQ of above 15o.

Isn't this the life we are expected to live?
Do we have a choice?
No, we don't.

Grr.
Portraying yourself in a light that you do not need to study
and achieving good results doesn't make you seem to be a genius.
It just make you seem like a hypocrite.
Sorry darling, but please admit, you do appears to be a hypocrite.

[[---added&edited---]]
Don't want to sound too bad.
Just want to say, perhaps that's the way you operate.
I'll try to accept, yes, because i do cherish you.

2007-09-05T18:55:00.000+08:00

Reluctance, reluctance, and reluctance.

I promised not to be reluctant but, things are not going my way.
How can I not be reluctant going to a place where the system is just so screwed up.
Everything is a disadvantage to you and yet you are supposed to go there willingly.

How is that possible, I wonder.
Things are unfair, things are not distributed evenly, but isn't this reality?
These things can't be weigh and you are not the one weighing, so obviously the importance of things is not the same yea?
That's life, without a proper weighing machine to distribute things accurately.
Thanks, I learnt that.
Will things stop being unfair?

Sometimes, is not that I will not explain, but do you stop to listen?
No matter how I try, your mind remains close so how am I suppose to get through your mentality?

What can i say.
Growing up is hard, but everyone must go through this process.
x(
Sheesh, can I have a power card that says 'skip'?

The courage is back and the answer is YES, YES and YES.
=)

Thanks, XinFang, for you post.
Love you too.
"we can grow separately without growing apart."
Yes, WE can and WE will.

2007-08-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

DARN.
I'm feeling a teeny weeny stressed up.
I hate this kind of feeling.

Anyway, I'm kind of sorry for what a major impact i caused at band.
Grr.

Yea, and towards you and you alone, the one that appears to be my friend.

" YES.
YOU ARE MORE SUPERIOR THAN ME.
I AM NOTHING COMPARED TO YOU. "

Are you satisfied?
I don't understand at all.
I am too a being, don't i deserve any respect?

This is damn bullshit.
Just because of your one sweeping statement you affected the rest of my day.

Regardless whether do I hold any position, i am too a member.
Regardless of how ordinary and normal i am, regardless of how less contribution i do [ which i deem more than you for the past year], by the way you are talking, it's not a wonder why your members feel so reluctant to go for practices.

The sense of belonging, the feeling that you are needed is totally not there.

"Why would i want to go to some place where i am not needed?" some members will think.

Yes, in the case that you are more superior than me, you lack this.
You do not understand how we, the ordinary members, function and how we, the ordinary members, think.

Why must you, THE SUPERIOR, draw the line between us.
Must it be so distinct?
Moreover, you are not even the first in command.

Yes, i admit, the work I do is chicken feat.
Yet, who wad there to do it?
Did you, THE SUPERIOR, do it?

I may sound agitated, but this is already written in the most calm manner i can manage without any vulgarities flying all over.
I'm sorry, but can i double confirm that you are my friend?
Since it appears that you are so much more superior than me.

You suck in the way you think.
You should be glad that i did not state your name out.
Not that the aura around your name will blind the readers or my blog, not that you are too superior to be stated in my blog, but because i still respect you for the things you had done.
Though more than once you showed me total disrespect.

Anyway, thank you, all my dearest friends for being there for me.
Your presence is much appreciated.

ZHENGWEI: For your spastic-ity.
WEILUN: For sitting beside me in class.
PATRINA and YIANLU: For hearing me out recently.
TINGYAN and XINFANG: Though we have drifted apart, thanks, for just being there.
VIVIEN: For today and everything you did to the band.

AND !
Sorry, Vivien, for affecting the smooth operation of band.
I'm okay.
Just a break down in emotions.

I'll be okay.
As usual, I'm stronger than i think.
I will fight against the odds; and win.

[[ It's an unverified secret.
Soon to be verified. --

2007-08-12T20:35:00.000+08:00

HEH!
Regarding the person using others name, I'll have to say it's because of my stupidity!!
It's hilarious.
I think it's because i didn't tag often enough so my brain screwed up and i use the wrong name.
In example: it should be "jiale-pat" and it become simply "pat".

Yea,looking forward to obs.
x)
But my bag is small and i squeezing all my stuffs in until i gave up, yet i still haven't finish packing.
BooHooHoo.

多谢菜心的恩赐。。。

遊戲規則：
１.被點名的朋友要回答所有的問題
２.之後再多加一道題目上去(要留小名)
３.最後再點十個好朋友繼續傳下去(注意～被點名的人不能重複)
４.違規者會倒楣一輩子
５.目標：一百萬人

【ＳＴＡＲＴ…】

＊蟑螂問：你喜歡(暗戀)的人是誰?

暂时无人

＊巍巍問：如果地球即將毀滅，只能救一個人，會救誰?

与菜心同感：被救的那一个人好可怜、好寂寞啊！

＊阿風問：最讓你感動的歌?

很多。但要在我很感伤的时候才会决的感动。

＊小盈問：你喜歡男生還是女生?

朋友的喜欢就是那些跟我很要好的啊。
恋爱的喜欢就是男生啊。

＊ＣＣ問：如果看到自己最愛的人熟睡在自己面前，你會做什麼?

~~用拳头把他吵醒！~~
就望着他睡啊

＊莉莉問：人生對你而言，最重要的人是誰?

其实在你周围的人都很重要，即使只是经过你的路人。
因为每一个人都会改变你的观念。
当然，父母、朋友与将与我共度下半辈子的人应该将对我影响最深。

＊ＪＯＥ問：今年目前為止做過最後悔的事情?

前些日子：喜欢上一个错的人。
此刻：造成一个不必要的误会。

＊阿妮問：你是哪裡人?

新加坡人。

＊奇兒問：如果還有來生，要當女的還是男的?

男的, 体验一下身为男生的滋味。哈哈

＊喬恩問：哪件事情讓你永生難忘?

不晓。

＊小玉問：你最想去哪個國家?

加拿大、澳洲、英国[一个宁静地小镇]、等

＊大雄問：覺得自己最大的優點和缺點是啥咪?

優點:超级乐观与开朗。
缺點：时间观念差。

＊笨蛋問：你覺得和傳給你的人做朋友怎樣?

我与它本来就是好朋友。

＊胰臟問：如果世上所有人都背叛你，捨你而去，你打算怎麼辦?

大哭一场了再重新出发。

＊加油問：我帥(美)嗎?(傳給你的人)?

当然美！

＊那那問：不會想槍斃點你的人嗎？

不会啊

＊鋼筆問：如果你在人生遭到極大失敗，你會怎麼辦?

大哭一场了再重新出发。

＊ＤＡＮＮＹ問：如果你能變成透明人，你想做什麼?

默默的帮助我所爱的人。

＊家宜問：對於這個遊戲感想如何?

蛮有趣的

＊喔伊問：你在哪時候哪裡認識傳給你的人?

中学；同班同学

＊兔子問：目前為止，被幾個男生或女生告白過?

无 x)

＊綠茶問：出生到現在最感謝的人?

父母！

＊Ｐ問：對於好朋友的定義是?

不管发生任何事情，都不离不弃。
就算很久没见面都能谈心事。
不存有怀疑、不悦、嫉妒、不满

＊皮皮問：如果你被不喜歡的人強吻，而且還是初吻，你會怎樣?

用力推开他，与他冷战

＊姊妹問：單身好還是有情人好?

两个都有各自的好。

＊尼銘問：覺得自己夠成熟嗎?

够！但就是在需要成熟的时候才会。

＊蘋果問：喜歡的動物?

没有喜欢的。

＊快樂問：你快樂嗎？

快乐！

＊５５６６問：最喜歡的歌手?

没有特别喜欢。

＊布丁問：友情與愛情是不是難以抉擇?

当然，现在的我会选择友情。
但到那时候，或许我拥有的朋友超烂我当然就选择爱情。

＊喵喵問：你會念舊嗎?

会啊！
总决得陪了我度过了一段日子的东西特别有纪念价值。

＊董不懂問：你心情不好時會做些什麼?

做我爱做的事，通常会听音乐

＊小惠問：過去讓你最想挽回的事是什麼?

不吃回头草。
可能就一些朋友吧

＊Mr.J問：你覺得我是怎樣的人?

不晓你[Mr.J]是怎样。

＊小艾問：對於另一半理想條件？

爱我。

＊JASON問：你想要什麼死法??

安详！

＊Uno問：.........我想不到要問什麼，你可以幫我問嗎?

><"

＊玉米楨問：現在你想減肥?

想 =))

＊小黑黑問：你最愛滴人做什麼事情讓你最感動呢?

毫无埋怨的在我身旁

＊正妹小豬問：你（妳）生日最想收到什麼禮物？

幸福和快乐。

＊蜜桃惠玲問：如果你是女生,你有勇氣倒追嗎?

不敢，信心不足

＊小屁倩問：這遊戲有比我瞎嗎？

><"

＊卜娘問:你睡覺是閉上眼睛嗎?

不然，我又不是鱼

＊ＷＡ問：4cos3θ-3cosθ=?

你是vlee化身吗?

＊青爭問：如果一個沒有女生喜歡的男生，被喜歡男生的男生喜歡。那沒有女生喜歡的男生會不會喜歡那喜歡男生的男生？

我又不是他，怎么知道！

＊阿穎問：請想一個你最想和大家分享ㄉ好事！

我明天就去露营了！

＊Kelly問: 夏天最想做的一件事?

新加坡没夏天。新加坡人的悲哀

＊古屁問：你愛我嗎？

不爱，一点都不爱！

＊王子問：你的口頭禪是什麼？

很多。 lameshit, 我跟你讲哦...

＊順問:：這問卷可以結束了嗎?

><"

＊勁爆問：你覺得人活著的意義是什麼?

学习

＊小雞問：死亡筆記本是用來殺人的那麼 "屎王筆記本"的功用是?

看谁的屎最多就称王吧

＊ｇｉｎａ問：你對於古典音樂和流行音樂有什麼看法呢？

没有看法。

＊巫婆問：會騎車了嗎？

脚踏车！

＊兔兔問：如果你在密閉的空間放了一個連環屁，你會勇敢的承認還是裝死?

裝死

＊小六問：拉完屎　你都用幾張衛生紙？

4格

＊阿嫺問：（以女生的角度）你希望給不喜歡的男生喜歡，還是給可愛漂亮的女生喜歡？

全都不喜欢最好。

＊不正經問︰如果一打開廁所門發現裡面有一個人正在打槍，你會怎麼辦？

没想过。

＊大天才問:對於奧莉薇這三字有什麼看法？

你太天才了

瘦高女子冰問:看女(男)孩子先看哪裡?

全身比例

神：天理何在？

我们身边。

XY：情为何物？

当你恋爱是会有的感慨

菜心：心里最害怕的是。。？

身旁无人能与你在思想上联系

屁股问: 当你失败时，你会选择放弃还是再接再励?

排名不分先后
1. Fiona
2. Yianlu
3. Patrina
4. Zhiying
5. Vivien
6. Wei'en
7. Weilun
8. Zhengwei
9. grr. you think so many people got blog issit.
10. sheesh. i admit. i have no friends BWAH!

2007-08-05T23:58:00.000+08:00

Grrr !!

yeapps.
first post in one month and that's how i feel.

life, is not at all smooth.

looking forward to obs.
away from all these problems created because of the competitive and materialistic society.

2007-07-08T20:53:00.000+08:00

oh yay!
i finally posted.
it's been so very very long.

the stress of school is back.
it's no longer like sec 2.
nowadays, once you're back in school, you are expected to work.
homeworks and tests come and go.

i'm so tired of all these.
yet, i am a student and it is expected of me to accomplish all these without so much as a grumble.

band is tiring nowadays.
especially on tuesday but i do get a sense of accomplishment every time i finished my band practice.

anyway.
it's rather stuffy for me these few days.
some people just keep irritating me.
so, i told myself i do not want to care what she want to think. that's her own business that she is so childish.
i just can't seem to connect.

i bought contact lenses.
x)
but cost quite expensive.
nevermind, it's not my money.
oops !

the green man outside plaza.
he kindly allowed me to take a photograph of him after successfully scaring me.

missy doughnuts with zhengwei and weilun !!
weilun queued for it while zhengwei and i sat in long john silver
x/

my lovely keychain!
and they broke the same hand.

the cake we had at weixian's house.

liying!

A MESSAGE TO CONVEY:
. . . _ _ _ . . .
DI DI DI DIII DIII DIII DI DI DI

2007-06-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

school starts tomorrow!
as usual, i've not finish my homework and is still in the holiday mood.
it'll be hard to swing back to the studious mood, which in my case is also not very studious.
i am seriously not looking forward to school.
homeworks, tests, exams.
and not forgetting o'level chinese.
it's drawing near.
nervousness.

well, sorry for letting this place rot for like 2 whole weeks.
i am lazy.

anyway. summary of o1chalet.
cosy and yet quite bored out there.
the location is seriously eerie.
just beside old changi hospital.
X\

then xinfang got ill.
then me and fiona were like changing shift.
i do the toweling first then it's fiona's turn.

then on saturday liying wei'en and i went to weixian's house to celebrate wei'ens birthday.
yea, it's like late.
we played mahjong and blackjack at the end.
lady luck wasn't with me.
we bought her a pink cardigan from tom and stef's if i am no wrong.
then cause we all didn't bring much money all of us were trying to dig out money.
it cost 29 bucks.
then we found out all of what the four of us had was 28.95 !
5cents.
><"
luckily liying remembered she still had 2 bucks with her.

anyway, we bought a cake and we sang a birthday song for all four of us.
cause we didn't celebrate liying's birthday this year, and most probably we won't have time to celebrate weixian's birthday.
and yea, its my earliest birthday celebration.
><"
like 5-6 months early?

anyway, may all our wishes come true
=)
love.

2007-06-10T21:02:00.000+08:00

first i want to get defensive.
the reason why i didn't post:
my computer is spoilt!
well, the situation is my sister bought a new flat screen monitor for me and my brother.
like, WOW !
yea, but ever heard of the saying 'happiness is short-lived'?
i never heard of it, i experienced it.
=/
we connect the monitor to my cpu ya?
then the first day it was working great!
you have no idea how big that monitor was!
it's HUMONGOUS !
i can see like EVERYTHING !

i tend to f11 all my windows, this monitor is bigger than those f11-ed windows !

yea, than the next day, it stopped working.
keep flashing " NO SIGNAL"
irritated me a lot.

yea, so i am now using my sister computer.
then tomorrow i will be going to jamie's house to do our biology project while playin mahjong.
though we lacked 1 player.
but, never mind.
but, as the germination project is all in the dead computer, i cannot get them out.
x(
very bad.

every time i do project with jamie and joyceT, i always screw up.
like--always.
well, i have to admit i am not a very hardworking person,
no point denying, it's there for everyone to see.
but, seriously, grouping with jamie gives me certain amount of strees, no offence dearest jamie.
yet, time and again i screw up.
><"

and, last thursday, zheng wei and people asked me to watch pirates3 with them.
luckily my dad disallowed.
because-! i totally forgot that i agreed to watch with wei'en joyceT and jamie.
PHEW !
or i think they'll strangle me.
so i'll be watching on wednesday
x)

think tomorrow i'll have a fun day !
we are celebrating wei'en's birthday and treating her at PIZZA HUT LOT 1 !
perhaps the birthday boy benjamin will decide to go too.
okay, forget it.
i just got the reply he's not going.
=(
but, it will still be a fun night out!!

anyway, i am well and over with that cup of tea that don't belong to me.
i am rather relieved than feeling a little lost.
weird, huh.
but, i rather it be this way
^^

well, tingyan is not going to o1chalet.
SPIRIT DAMPER.
every time she cannot go.
i was still thinking of sleeping with her!
as in, having girls' talk.
it's been a while since i talk to her face to face already.
just when i want to become great friends with her, we got separated.
but, it's the decision i've made, a decision we've all made.
and i've never regretted it.
it's okay we get into different class, let's all view it as a test to our friendship.
and sooner or later, if we don't split class, we might also get separated when we go after out own dreams and aspirations.
perhaps, this might even be a factor which strengthen our friendship.
regardless of what life may bring, at least we were friends.

friends, people that are close to you who impart certain knowledge to you.
some come and go, some sticks.
yet, both are equally important.

was telling wei'en recently liying and weixian were the friends who stuck since primary school.
and i remembered someone--vera.
she stuck by me till secondary 2.
we did not have a fight, nor a tiff, just did not stay in touch--still fatal.
i knew her since primary1
great friends since primary3
8years of acquaintance; 6-7years of friendship; 6 years of schoolmates; 4 years of classmates.
yet, 1 year of silence is fatal enough.
but, fret not, some time i will call her up.
because, she is someone important.
i miss her.
well, i guess she's the most mature person i've met and befriended and one of the few i feel comfortable talking and crapping with.

anyway, i think i deserve a pat on the back for keeping this blog for like 5-going-on-6 months?
though this is only the 31st post which is feat to me, though yianlu can easily do that in like a month containing 31 days.
simply meaning she post daily.
something i can never do.
but !!!!
i still deserve a pat on my back.
well, simply because from all my past experiences, i have never kept to having a blog, starting like 2 per year and letting them rot away.

YEAPPS.
so a PAT !!
and i'm posting longer and longer.
i'm definitely not sure if that's a good thing though, cause i think people prefer quality to quantity ya?
><"

2007-06-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

hey !

eh.
wasn't in the mood to post, yet again.

thank you weilun again, for being there for me, yet again.

i'm mending.
but it's okay.
i'll be ready soon.
i'm stronger than i think i am.
and, talking about it. i deserve better.
still, i feel cheated.
but, so there " BYE !"
and that's the end.

sadness, depression--they're all part and parcel of life.
if i don't experience them, i will not be a human.
but, then again, i won't be there for long.
as i am optimistic and forward looking ya?
furthermore, some things just don't deserve to be brooded over.
so, why not?
take things easy and view them in a brighter light.
and thanks, for those who asked me to cheer up.
i guessed it worked !!
a few hours of being alone and listening to music helps =)

what can i say?
immaturity and having problems handling relationship is not my cup of tea.
so there you go.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING WEI'EN !!
since this opportunity arises, i will tell you that no matter what happen we will be good friends ya?
love you loads.
and guess what !
i'll be celebrating your birthday twice over
=)
i am sure you are over the moon.

it's time to feel happy ya?
the problems are gone!
yet, i am still a teeny weeny not that ready to smile and face the world bravely.
but, i will be
x)

i miss school !!
okayokay.
mainly jamie joyceT and weilun.
jamie and joyceT: cause your are always there to laugh with me.
weilun: you are there to hear my complaints and grumblings.

i kept on mentioning weilun. later people think i like him.
but. your are wrong!
i LOVE him.
it's fine with me, just just as long as he don't misunderstand me himself.
x)

2007-06-06T03:57:00.000+08:00

well i came back from chalet !

mostly had a great fun with :
weili, edrei, yinlan, cai er[ yinlan's sis], kaijun, joyceY, seewoon, nguanhan, jiaming, chiensiew, vivien AND other t1 avains !!

well, on the last day, as only weili, edrei, yinlan, cai er, kaijun and i stayed, we were really getting cosy in the chalet! we had a talk and played mahjong till 54o in the morning.
it was really tiring for weili, edrei and kaijun as they had to go to school the next day!

thanks, guys!

then i went back to band room yesterday to do a final clean up.
it was just sunning and re-packing the umbrellas and other stuffs.

afterwards went to do chinese project and went to huan ghee's house to watch pirates 2.
didn't watch ending as went to play a soccer game with weilun.
funfunFUN !
haha.
quite addicted to it though i am a noob at it.

i began to find hope in out friendship, once again.
i were willing to try again, thinking that all would be fine.
yet,
again.
i was disappointed again.
i felt that your social circle is too extensive.
or is it just my problem?
i hope not.

i am just so exasperated and frustrated with everything recently.
i shouldn't be brooding over these things, but i just do.
what should i do, i do not even know.

thank you, weilun!
for being the one beside me when i am feeling depressed ya?
though you get me irritated at times and i feel that you are insensitive to the people around you but you were there.
that meant so much more to me.
thanks for talking to me, and giving advices.
love you!

many a times, people come and go.
never caring and loving enough to be cared and loved back.
let's all be the first to be there for some one before grumbling that they were not there for you ya?
i will try to be there for everyone i care and love, but it is simply impossible.

rather than expecting me to be there, can someone be here for me?
i'm sick of being initiative in relationships, be it friendships or whatever.
what can i say? i am a human too.

i am so looking forward to o1 chalet!
missmissMISS you guys!!
i hope this will be a great chance to repair what is damage to re-find what is lost.
yet, perhaps the things we lost just couldn't be found again as we had each found it with other people.

2007-06-02T15:05:00.000+08:00

yesterday was band practice as usual.
and for these three practices that we had, 3quarter of the time i am working and cleaning in the band room.
x(
like yesterday, i didn't even touch my trumpet, only when i was having my music assessment.

still it was very tiring and trying.
termites are -- gross, horrible.
they are: fat and big, thin and small.

and by sir's standard, when we see them, we are lucky and thus is supposed to be happy and not yell and scream.
--because termites are a delicacy.

i am going back to clean up on one of the days yet again.
sorry logistic committee ~~

off to chalet in a couple of hours at coasta sands resort, pasir ris.
3t1 !!
love this class.
though some are muggers, some are real competitive, every individual is a fun-loving person.
and because !!--they can tolerate me!
hahahah.

anyway, was looking at my report book and adding up my cip hours.
18o++ therefore i decide that i want to do until 2oo hours
x)
think i'll be doing 1o sessions of bethany old folks' home.

ciao, people.
i will be back on monday!

2007-05-31T14:58:00.000+08:00

it has been very busy and tired in band for both practices that i didn't even had the energy to comment on it yesterday,
so here i am!

the physical training, the drills, they all reminded me of band competition days.
those bitter-sweet memories.

and i can gladly announce that, : I AM A SENIOR IN BAND.
i do not know why, but when i am in sec 2 i still do not really feel like a senior.
now, watching the sec 2s and 1s i feel...WHOA!

band competition 2oo8; i am still in a dilemma.
i do want to be the first batch of band members to clinch the gold with honors.
i do want to get into the finals.
i do want to be the first batch since bt and bp band started to get the best band award.
i want.
i want it so.

yet,
there are so many obstacles in our ways.
the journey is tough, we all know it.
we will be in sec 4 then.
the most important year.

"what about our O levels?"
our parents might ask, do we reassure them or fret with them?
i do not know.

furthermore, our O levels will be shifted earlier.
that is the biggest problem.
really, i am selfish.
i am not yet ready to sacrifice my studies for band.
yet, i cannot reassure myself that i have the capability to manage my time well.
i do not have the confidence to juggle my 9 subjects and band competition together.

do i have the ability?
do i have the energy?
can i survive through it?

i do not know.

furthermore, even people around me do not have the confidence that we can achieve it.
i do believe that, when even in the first place, you have the mentality that you are fighting a losing battle, then why enter the battle?
even dear and close friends feels that we couldn't do it.

i still do not know the answers to all of the above posed questions.
yet, i can promise the band something:

i will try my very best in whatever i do in the band.
i will improve on my playing of my trumpet.
i will improve in my marching.
though i am in no leader position, i will try to guide the juniors as well as i can.
i will motivate them and self-motivate myself.
i will go to band practices without any reluctance.

for, though, i have second thoughts about entering the finals, i will not do anything to stop the band from entering.
let's wait and watch to see the destiny of this band.

the band, is just another family, whereby many individuals bond together.
i love this band.
but is this love enough to persevere and endure through all these?

perseverance; endurance; determination.
something i need yet i lacked.

i will be stronger;
i promise.
for, because of this band, i have matured a lot.

2007-05-30T22:12:00.000+08:00

well, it has been a very long time since i posted.
and yes, i am back to blogging in english.
why?
because i just simply feel that it is quite troublesome to blog in chinese and many a times it screws the html up.

it is coming to the end of the fifth month of the year, and i have gotten back my results.
i can't say that i am unhappy yet, of course, there is always room for improvement.
so, JIAYOU jiale.
i can do it =]

well, i talked with joyce and wei'en yesterday and today after band at the bpp.
x)
thanks!

there are a lot of things happening and i do have a lot of opinions of them.
yet, i simply have no energy to post them up here.
there are times i lie on my bed, pondering on what are happening, yet i do not feel like posting them.
therefore i didn't post for such a long time.

sorry !

i am sick of tired of certain issues, but i can't say , " HEY ! GO AWAY !".
i still have to think of them and find a way to solve it.

then, i began to feel that though people may contribute a lot, whatever they get back in return may be little compared to others who did less.
and, some may fight a lot for some things he or she wants, yet, because of what people have in mind, and a sudden twist of fate, they lost it; while some other people who just didn't care for that thing, got it for some idiotic reasons.

i do get exasperated, i do get despaired.
you reap what you sow.
yea? is that true?
i beg to differ.
sometimes, what i want ain't recognition, what i want ain't what you think.
this may sound real materialistic, but hey! can i be selfish and self-centered too?

i am doing a lot, i can say that without any shame.
as in, compared to some others, i am doing a lot.
yet, what do i get?
nothing.
life's real unfair at times.
yet, i can't do anything about it.

actually, i was thinking.
is a nerd more blessed that a socializer?
at the very least, a nerd is working with books--no emotions at all.
lame thinking.

never mind.

i should be contented, but i am not.
help.

2007-05-09T22:03:00.000+08:00

或许现在的我只是因为接下来的路很远而放慢了脚步，歇一歇。
也或许我因为快到了终点，所以慢下来了。

不管事哪一个，我都感到稍微累了，不晓得还能继续吗。
但，我会作出一个决定的。

2007-05-02T20:01:00.000+08:00

2007-05-02T19:50:00.002+08:00

贺军翔--
帅

2007-05-02T19:50:00.001+08:00

你的冷漠态度让我无言以对。
抱歉。
但你太像一面墙壁--随然你会说话。
但，你的没感情的反影令我很厌倦。。。

2007-04-29T16:09:00.000+08:00

做人何必那么假，那么的想要吸引大家的目光呢?

一个两个都是这样。
最终却失去了自我。

2007-04-29T00:37:00.001+08:00

[[ 溺爱并不是爱而是害；
爱是包容而不是纵容]]

希望你能了解。
但，其实，一个愿给，一个愿收，没有多大的问题。
可是，我还是认为，这样下来，她的性格会非常的恶劣。

读书读书读书。
不禁感到好无聊，好无奈。

2007-04-22T10:58:00.001+08:00

其实，不对任何人有着过多的希望是件好事。
这样一来大家都能快快乐乐地相处。

为何你，也更大家都一样呢?
告诉你，是个很大的错误。

完美的形象一天天的在你手中被毁灭。
我不要。

但，希望你赶快作出一个决定。
我并不在乎你的决定时什么，只希望你不要三心两意。

2007-04-14T20:41:00.001+08:00

我好讨厌喜新厌旧的朋友。
特别是你--应为我对你的要求不同。
但算了拉；

要求愈高，失望愈大。
曾经失望，就不再对当是人抱有要求。

所以其实不该再对你有着任何要求。

为何我们不论作出多少的负出都不能还得你一句谢谢，
但他人作的一丁点就能还得你一笑。
为何他人惹了你，你能一忍在忍，
但我们只要稍微出错就被你在博客中讲得一文不值。

很久也很少会在这儿讲朋友们的不是，
但我想你爱在那儿讲我们。
所以应该是很喜欢这种沟通方式吧?

即使我多么不喜欢，我也不能说出来应为我都是错的。
朋友，必须当得那么累吗?

当你有着其他人，就不屑我们的存在。

我们一直都在，只是你要不要而已。
但，很抱歉我已稍微感到疲倦了。
对你而言，这应该不重要吧，
应为我又在讲废话了吧。

其实现在的你根本不许要我。

2007-04-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

今天很很很很很开心！！

~~谢了~~
你不会知道的~

或许。
稍微。
可能。
你。

2007-04-07T20:26:00.001+08:00

今天下雨了。
但不应该。
不是因为有演出。

真的会结束吗?

~~~

我开始被摇晃了。
不知该不该。---乱
爱?

2007-04-06T22:53:00.001+08:00

"有事可以来找我。"

这句话到底有多少人与我说过呢?

2007-03-31T22:11:00.001+08:00

同人不同命。。。
是时候说再见了吗?

再多的不想，再多的不舍。我也只能承认我确实累了。

我要快乐。
但我将快喘不过气来了，快窒息了。

挽救，还来的急吗?

谢谢最近老是陪着我的朋友，也就是你和你！
f3妹妹与莹姐姐！
哈哈！！！！！

2007-03-19T01:20:00.001+08:00

悲哀！！！！！！！！！！
今天就得上学了。
或许从反校园对每个学生来说都有着一定的不悦与兴奋但我却只能带着沉重的心情
回到校园中，因为我还没玩够！！
中三不是该悠哉闲哉的吗?
怎么我感觉不到吗?

也没什么能埋怨的，因为还是得上学，所以。。。
开心一点吧！

2007-03-17T20:23:00.000+08:00

观念，是什么?
是旁人在你耳边所倾诉后所造成的吗?
是某某人的一举一动所造成的吗?

一个故事其实有无数的作家，但关键却是你，身为一个读者，选择了哪一位。
起初的我往往只选择一位，而在此当儿对故事的另一个主角起了一个非常极端的印象。
但，在人生里，并非只是一份白纸黑字的稿子在操控着所有演员的行踪，而是每一
个人所拥有的思绪。
不同与独一无二的想法。

今天，我给了当是人一个辩解的机会。。。了解了蛮多。
故事的主角们并非有错也其时没有任何对，而其实是都是在灰色地带。
所以！从今以后我不许自己在这样乱下定论，有着错误的关念了！

但。。。很多时候，这其实是个艰难的任务，因为常常我都没有向这次这样，有机
会能与故事两端的朋友讲话。

人生，想起来其实真的很复杂，而在天天遇到的人的思想其实是非常恐怖的。。。

我一定能大事化小，小事化无。。。因为我比想象中坚强。

加油！

2007-03-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

这次的考试非常的不好！！
怎么办?
惨了！我将有个惨不人睹的死！
快疯掉了！

希望你了解，我会永远是你的好朋友。
曾经与你是最要好的朋友是我这辈子的荣幸。
谢谢你。

爱，佳乐

2007-03-12T23:11:00.000+08:00

今天，故事有着一个很惊人的转变。

花心大少爷并非花心，只是爱与女生相处罢了。
那花心的是谁呢?
自己心中当然有着一个非常清楚的答案了。

其实自己当然不想自己的朋友对爱情的观念那么随便，更不愿她受伤。。。但，我
可是心有余而力不足啊！这种爱莫能助的感觉好矛盾哦。
而很多时候，我已答应自己不再叉手与这些事了，但。。。它们却一而再，再而三
的发生，使得自己感到好懊恼。

或许自己真的不该再理会这些无聊的事了。

今早在乐队不禁感到十分烦，因为我得做一些简单却被一些人搞得非常复杂的东西。

明天还得再一次的接受强烈的太阳的考验。
我会坚持到底的！

而今天我骂了一个的学姐，但我知道自己没错，而自己也已尝试好声好气的与她沟
通了，可还是要在这儿向她道歉。但我希望大家在乐队练习中客气的指出别人的错
误，不要大声嚷嚷，因为大家在酷热的太阳下都会脾气十分爆燥。

今天有人问我为何我那么的开心，而我也就以别人所跟我讲过的一句话回复了她，：
若天天都会这样的过去，倒不如就开开心心的把那天结束了。
这句话十分有意义，而我也老早便决定要当个知足的人，也要天天做个开心人。

开心起来吧！

2007-03-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

曾经，有个叫公主的女孩，爱上了花花公子，伤害了苦等她以久的痴情男生。
公主是我以前的好友，没能把她从这些许许多多的事情中把她救出是我的遗憾但我
却已尽力了。

可笑的是，在我的身旁一直都有着这一位blackbeauty。她一向都认同和晓得我对公
主那间事的困扰与不悦但历史却即将从演了。同样的情景，一个美女，一个花心大
少爷，一个痴情汉。。。但却有了不同的卡司，新的演员。

公主的事件已告以段落，blackbeauty的却还在进行中，到底结果是否会是一样的呢，
我也只好拭目以待了。

以上两件事情与我密切相关但其实我并没有任何的发言权，就有如一位观众，明知
是个自己不爱看的悲剧，却没有选择，也没有那个能力去改写剧本，只能眼挣挣的
凝视着那复杂的三角恋。

为什么我周遭的朋友都是这样的能?不珍惜真正对自己好的人，宁愿让自己受伤。而
为何blackbeauty永远都对爱情那么的不执着，那么的轻浮呢?

爱。。。虽自私，但它不是幸福的吗?
人与人之间不该有着珍惜吗?但为何身边的朋友们却在伤害彼此，把这些儿女私情当
作儿戏，把感情这回事鄙视得那么渺小，那么随便呢?

wassup with all these things?
why are people turning so despo so suddenly.
argh

2007-02-25T19:31:00.000+08:00

TRYING to MUG !!

psst. i bot jamie's bdae present.

2007-02-18T18:10:00.000+08:00

life is full of ironies.
its funny eh.
the bestfrens of my life carn be my listening ears.

well.
on friday met up with my primary school frens.

den weixian liying bojia weien and me went bpp.
talk from 2+ till 7.
haha.
I LOVE THEM <3

den we realise only rgs dun have a competetive environment !!
lol.

well.
went quite alot of houses today.
I DUNLIKE.
well.
its very time wasting.
cos all my cousins are 25+ till 3o+
so old !!
no common topic.

den my 3rd aunt's husband [paternal]
say i am a malay !!
den ask me and my father go have dna check ~ ><

I HATE THE HYPOCRITE SIDE OF YOU.
~!@#$%^&*()

2007-02-12T04:41:00.000+08:00

LOVE IS IN THE AIR~~

valentines day coming !!
i dunnoe wad the hell im excited abt.
but heck.

i just love love.
dont u?

where's MY love.
EVERYWHERE ^^

CAN U SENSE THAT IM HAPPY.
im faking it.
haha

2007-02-11T14:54:00.000+08:00

~!@#$%^&*()
carn get into the mood to study.

rotted for 2 whole days.
haha.

IM SO HAPPY FOR ALL MY BAND SENIORS.
esp tze wei and qiurong.
they got 9 points for l1r5
CLAPCLAPCLAP

as usual.
there are tests coming up next week again.
amaths physics and bio.

im quite tired by all these studyings.
im really feeling very not motivated and fed up.
wad the hell.

im like the shit in my class.
i score like 68-70+ for all my test [ lets not mention amaths]
yet im like very poor u noe.

ARGH.
SUPERSSSSSSSS FEDUP.

OKAY !!
new week new start.

BROOOOOOOOOOOMMM~~
my engine started ^^
a week of studying and band.
YIPPEE YAYA YIPPEE YIPPEE YA
YIPPEE YAYA YIPPEE YIPPEE YA
YIPPEE YAYA
YIPPPE YIPPEE YAYA
YIPPEE YAYA YIPPEE YIPPEE YA !!

i like this stupid song!!

[[ with me and no me. there's not much change and significance. is there?]]

2007-02-04T13:27:00.000+08:00

another week went by !!!
shucks.

well. went shopping with zw and wl at bugis on fri.
but only zw shop !!
haha.

i dunlik shopping my things wif guys.
so on sat after go to jjc de carnival me anf fang went bugis.

haha.
went there too early =(
lil shops open.

anyway. with regards to my previous posts.
I AM OKAY ALREADY~~
alive and kicking ^^

hmm. well.
we are living in a materialistic world arent we.
so. it okay la.
since that fren treat me quite nice at times.
i shall treasure him VERYVERY much de ^^

well.
i flunked my this time de maths test very badly.
tho haven get back my results yet.

BUT ITS OKAY.
one period of recess and im finish with my mourning.

but the suayest thing is !!
i did my test without my calculator.
CAN U BELIEVE IT !!

the test started and i suddenly tot ' HEY WHERE"S MY CAL ?!'
den i rummaged thru my bag...to no avail.
yet. the minute my maths test end.
i found my cal sitting at one corner of my bag.
MOCKING AT ME !! [ ok. this part is exaggerated]
BUT. as miss ong said. in ur short story there must be a climax. so my climax is my cal mocked me.
haha.

but its ok.
wahahaha.

^^
TO HELL WITH MATHS AND LOGARITHM.
they only know how to make one life terrible.

im having white hair recently.
I DUNWAN.
i still very young lor.

i dun understand lor.
old people like weilun, zhengwei, xinfang and tingyan dunhave white hair
why must the super young girl like me have.

IN A STATE OF DENIAL.
i do not have white hair !!

i am very young de !!
woohoo.

hmm. band comp practice start on june.
4weeks of hols.
2weeks for band.
1+week for homework.

3 DAYS TO PLAY.
WOOHOO.
tht is such a luxury can ! =[

BUT. i will still be very happy.
cos new year is coming !!

i visualize my bed full of money notes.
NOT 2 BUCKS.
1o BUCKS !!!
hahah.

HIPHIPHOORAY TO NEW YEAR.
i dun love it just because of money ok.
i love oranges !!
got so many ^^
YEA.
ORANGES!!

2007-01-26T21:59:00.000+08:00

talk to vivien.

she retort back with,
that's wad humans are like.

I DUNWAN.
i wan a compassionate environment.
i wan caring frens.
i wan a loving leader.

i hate materialistic ppl.
yet u are my fren.

can i bring myself to hate u?

2007-01-26T20:40:00.000+08:00

sec 3 life comes and go.
and its like going to FEB oredi!

i quite stressed out arhs.
sians.

classmates are fun and lively.
yet do have a very hardworking class studying with me.
its good.
well.
BUT.
it kinda stresses me out.
but im beginning to love my class oredi !

im starting to feel the importance of friends.
perhaps its because of class seperation.

and it saddens me so that weilun dun treasure zhengwei.
stop choosing a maths and e maths over zw can?

hais.
frustrations.

so many things.
so little time.

so many thing that pisses me off.
and its all because of a little you.

i hate it.
yet u are my good fren.

what shud i do.

2007-01-21T20:07:00.000+08:00

i starting afresh with this blog ^^

a new year a new start.

wish me luck :]